Understanding the Basics of Attachment

The word “Attachment” has become increasingly popular in the mental health field. It is especially common to be associated with trauma. And it’s an incredibly useful way of understanding the patterns of how people feel, think, and behave. To create a point of reference for those who want to follow along within the theme of attachment, I’ll give the definition I tend to provide clients: 

Attachment is the orientation of a person’s nervous system to interpret cues  in a stable way, as inconsistent, as overly threatening, or as a disorganized combination of safe, unreliable, and terrifying. 

Attachment issues range from mild and easily addressed with basic talk therapy to really complex and difficult to treat, requiring advanced specialties. While just over half of people will be fairly secure in how they connect with loved ones, others will struggle a bit more to feel a sense of connection and acceptance consistently, or at all. There are four broad attachment patterns to think of when it comes to understanding the gist of how people are generally sorted.  

 People who have secure attachment have a balanced approach, generally speaking, to forming and maintaining relationships. They understand when things are good and when they’re threatening pretty consistently and can take reasonably calculated risks (such as being the first partner to say “I love you”). 

Ambivalent, or Anxious Attachment, is marked by a perception that relationships will not be consistently available. People with this style tend to feel and believe that they must work extra hard to ensure that a relationship will remain available for them. 

 Somewhat the opposite of ambivalent attachment is Avoidant Attachment. People with avoidant patterns tend to perceive being vulnerable or someone else’s vulnerability as a threat to their sense of being okay. They can enjoy relationships, but struggle to navigate hardship cohesively with others due to their tendency to withdraw to protect themselves from being hurt. 

 The final broad category of attachment is Disorganized Attachment. People with disorganisation experience two instincts in an inconsistent and often simultaneous way. They often feel the urge to connect and to detach at the same time, which leads to a lot of confusion and chaos, or disorganisation, internally. Especially so when gestures intended as kind and safe activate a sense of threat and the need to withdraw. 

 Understanding another person is never straightforward or limited to a few simple dimensions. These categories, however, can begin to provide a framework for understanding how people feel in a given circumstance. Over time, I will give more specific examples of the nuance using patterns that often play out in real life, book and film examples, and volunteered experience from readers. I hope to be able to provide insight that readers can use to gain understanding into their own insecurities and to form more secure functioning relationships with others.  

By James "Drew" Sewell, LCMHC-QS

Owner/Director

Evexia Counseling and Consultation, PLLC